relapse

I relapsed
once again
and it hurts more then before
the pain
the rush
are nothing to pride in
when the guilt is all the more

this relapse is brutal
and ugly, unpure
I have to share
those new wounds
tomorrow for sure

this relapse
breaks me
more then going without
I know the people
who care about me
will worry without a doubt

I should have been stronger
or tried to stop longer
but, I couldn't get a grip
before I did it.

I wish I hadn't relapsed
I was doing quite well
now the people I care about
will feel my pain as well
I don't want to tell them
i'll be so ashamed
they will feel guilty
and think they're to blame

relapsing is not something
I want to take up
self-injury defeats me
and its so hard to give up

I would tell anyone I know
"don't ever start"
because its not pretty
its not cool
and it slowly destroys you

you don't deserve it
you are too good for this
try not to harm yourself
treat yourself with a kiss
don't destroy yourself
for temporary relief
give yourself love
and realize
you can rise above this

and i wish I could stop again
this time for good
one day I will be recovered
and this will be no more
I will love myself
and treat me better then before

so heres to recovering
not relapsing again
heres to loving myself
as I do my friends.